If you know someone who is a victim of a romance scam, the worst thing you can do is shame them. They are victims just like all other crimes.
If you have a loved one who is being victimized in a romance scam and needs tangible advice, please keep reading.
One of the most heartbreaking scams we encounter involves victims who genuinely believe they are in love with someone who doesn’t exist. These relationships often begin as romance scams and gradually evolve into investment schemes—sometimes called “pig butchering”—in which scammers build trust and emotional dependence before making financial requests. By the time money is involved, the victim is often deeply emotionally invested.
At Backgrounder, we focus on uncovering the truth about these relationships by gathering clear, verifiable evidence to determine whether the person online is real or fake. When we can intervene early, we have a higher chance of disrupting the scam against the victim.
The challenge grows much harder when a victim has been involved for months or even years. At that point, the relationship can become deeply embedded in their emotional life, and evidence alone may not be enough to convince them. Loneliness, grief, narcissism, cognitive decline, or underlying mental health issues can make people more vulnerable and less receptive to intervention.
When evidence is not going to matter, families should consider these steps:
First Steps
- File a police report, contact Adult Protective Services, and notify the FBI regarding potential elder abuse and financial exploitation. They may say they cannot act immediately. Creating a formal record now can be important later if legal or financial disputes arise.
- Speak with an attorney about obtaining a Power of Attorney. This allows a trusted family member to help manage finances and decisions if capacity becomes a concern.
- Freeze credit with all three credit bureaus. This prevents new credit lines or loans from being opened without authorization.
- Contact the banks and request restrictions such as lower transaction limits, disabling wires or crypto transfers, and requiring written-only communication. Many banks have internal safeguards they can implement once they understand there may be a risk of exploitation.
- Schedule neurological and psychological evaluations to assess cognition and decision-making. Give An Hour can be a strong resource, and we can share therapist options if helpful. These evaluations can also be important documentation if legal intervention becomes necessary.
- Document everything: timelines, messages, and transactions. For now, consider helping manage essential bills. Detailed documentation often becomes critical when working with banks, investigators, or attorneys.
Next Priorities
- Check with any car dealerships if vehicles are involved. If loans or purchases were made under pressure, dealerships may have options to unwind or restructure the transaction.
- Consider separate attorneys for POA/conservatorship, bankruptcy, and civil litigation (some coverage may exist through ARAG). These issues often require different legal specialties, and one attorney rarely handles them all.
- Notify lenders in writing that capacity and exploitation concerns are under medical review. If necessary, consult a real estate agent to address the property’s sale to address debts. Written notice helps establish a timeline and may slow aggressive collection actions.
It’s difficult emotionally, but limiting access to financial systems may be necessary if there’s a risk of additional transfers. The goal is to stabilize the situation first and then work toward longer-term recovery.